“haven’t-you-people-ever-heard-of-closing-the-goddamn-door” chunky curried carrot soup


i’m just going to take this time to admit that there are a lot of things i don’t understand.
probably not a good way to start the first post of this Real Person Food Blog, but I already
managed to weirdly reference a song that probably anyone outside of the i-was-14-in
the-year-2005 age range doesn’t understand, so i’m making up for it.

as i was sayyyyyying, there are a lot of things i don’t understand. 105% of the things my
chem-major-brother says at the dinner table, percentages (apparently), the appeal of
pureed soup, and why it’s so hard for people to remember to close the door on their way
out of the room. it’s like thanks, i wasn’t enjoying that peace and quiet anyway. wait, that
wasn’t the one i was supposed to be elaborating on. okay it’s like if we, the i-was
younger-than-80-and-older-than-negative-eight-in-the-year-2005 population of the
world don’t take full advantage of our ability to consume solid food, then what do we  have
going for us? where’s my long afternoon nap? my uh, diapers. my…any of those perks of
the newborn/senior citizen lifestyle? no but really, is it nap time yet? but i digress i guess?


listen, carrots and curry go together like carrots and ranch dressing, like curry and a big
bowl of rice, like babies and mushy foods, like making it through an entire day and mid
afternoon naps. me and Basically Just A Boiled Smoothie Made Of Vegetables go together
like that one couple on that one tv show that I’d rather sacrifice multiple limbs than see
end up together. so throw out your food processor, your immersion blender, your baby
and make some CHUNKY (!!!!!!!) curried carrot soup**



**if i’m being honest, this whole post is pretty hyperbolic (except the recipe? you really do
need 2 entire pounds of carrots!) sometimes pureed soups are good and a recipe or two for
such a thing will probably even show up on this blog at some point. but what are over


chunky curried carrot soup
serves 4


  • 2 lbs carrots, peeled and cut into thick chunks
  • 1 large onion, halved and then sliced
  • olive oil
  • salt + pepper
  • 1/2 tsp dried rosemary
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2 1/2 tbsp brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 tbsp butter
  • 2 teaspoons curry powder
  • ¼ tsp cayenne
  • 1 tsp dried thyme
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 4 cups chicken or veggie broth (if using veggie broth, try to find/make one with a very mild flavor so it doesn’t overwhelm the seasonings)
  • 1/3 cup half-and-half


  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss carrots and onion with olive oil, a generous pinch each of salt and pepper, and rosemary. Then spread them around evenly on a baking sheet. Roast vegetables until the carrots begin to brown, about 35 minutes.
  2. Meanwhile, heat a large pot over medium heat. Add garlic, brown sugar, butter, and 1 tsp salt. Cook, stirring often, until everything has melted, starts to bubble, and sugar has just begun to caramelize. Stir in curry powder, cayenne, thyme, and the bay leaf. Cook 1 minute, then pour in 1 cup of broth. Stir until everything has dissolved into the broth, 1-2 minutes then pour in the remaining broth and raise heat to medium-high. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 20 minutes
  3. Add roasty carrots and onions to soup, scraping off as much of the browned bits from the baking sheet as possible. Then pour in the half-and-half and simmer 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste, and serve!

One thought on ““haven’t-you-people-ever-heard-of-closing-the-goddamn-door” chunky curried carrot soup

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